IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
UNSPOKEN RULES
Some unspoken rules are vital for getting past rough patches
& growing stronger as a couple
DON'T CRITICIZE
YOUR IN-LAWS OR YOU SPOUSE'S FRIENDS
- Your in-laws & your spouse's friends may irritate you, upset you or even anger you
- Don't 'let off steam' by complaining to your spouse even if you think he/she willl agree with you
- Even when your spouse vents to you about them, just listen, because what you say can put him/her on the defensive
- Instead, put yourself in your spouse's position & it will be easier to support him/her
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DON'T COMPARE YOUR SPOUSE TO OTHERS
INCLUDING
THOSE
- You dated before your marriage
- You work with
- Who live in your community whom you might admire for their success
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KEEP UNSOLICITED ADVICE
TO YOURSELF
- Listen
- Offer support
- Avoid speaking as if you're an authority & know better than your spouse
- Don't offer too many solutions
- This goes for everything from your spouses clothing choices to how they deal with your kids or their work issues
- Give your spouse space to make decisions & gain confidence through trial and error & if needed ask that he do the same for you
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DON'T TAKE CHARGE ALL THE TIME
- The spouse who does the rescuing can become tired & resentful of that role because everything is on their shoulders, even if they volunteered for that burden
- Get in the habit of asking your spouse what they think works best
- Ask for help starting with easy tasks like cleaning the basement
- These requests will foster the idea that you're teammates
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DON'T BRING UP PAST ARGUMENTS
- Don't repeat ancient disagreements because they haven't resolved the problem
- Letting things fester often causes marriages to break down
- It's important to address issues as they happen & come to some sort of a resolution
- If you can't come up with a resolution, agreeing to disagree may also work
- Leave the argument there & respect each other's opinion
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CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
BUT DON'T STIFLE YOUR FEELINGS
- You have to decide what's really important & what's not
- Find a quiet time & explain to your spouse what is bothering you
- Ask your spouse if they can help you work on a solution
- If you keep the discussion calm, the outcome may surprise you
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MAKE QUALITY TIME A TOP PRIORITY
- When your attention is focused elsewhere, your spouse is bound to feel unimportant
- Make quality time a top priority
- Don't allow distractions when you have quality time with your spouse
- Create a rule that works for your household & stick to it like no phones at the dinner table, shutting down phones at 8 p.m. or going gadget-free on Sunday afternoons
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DON'T ALLOW
OUTSIDE INFLUENCES HURT YOUR MARRIAGE
- Don't let a friend put relationship-threatening ideas in your head
- Don't let your work or hobbies rob you of time with your spouse
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DON'T USE THE "D" WORD
- Even in the heat of an argument, avoid threatening to pack your bags or head to the lawyer's office
- Besides the "D" word being downright hurtful, repeated warnings may result in a spouse
calling the other's bluff - Threatening divorce is never useful &it only makes the probability of separation more likely
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DON'T START AN ARGUMENT AT BEDTIME
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IMPROVING YOUR MARRIAGE
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Nagging | Marriage Quiz
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